Going Home

If there’s anyone who is a mystery, it is definitely God. He is the absolute best at blind siding me even when I’m at my best.

I have been anticipating today, 1-30-09, for months. On this day, I get to reunite my first family, three daughters and a father. The day started off so well with me making a trip to the foster mom’s to pick up all of the daughters’ stuff, which was a ton. I delivered it back to their father’s house where they would finally move back to after being in and out of foster care for the last few years. I felt honored to be the one to drive home that evening as well. Once I moved their stuff back home, I went on about my day meeting with other clients and working with them. Well, the time finally came when I would be driving back to Indianapolis to transport these three wonderful girls ages 16,10 and 5. As. Soon as I reach Indianapolis CRASH! I rear-end the lady in front of me who stopped suddenly because a semi had cut her off. Thankfully I was only going like fifteen miles an hour and did no damage to her vehicle. My hood is all jacked up and my grill is broken, but nothing major. Needless to say, that wreck brought me pretty low. I was pretty frustrated, mainly about the money side of it, because I just spent $500 on tires and exhaust stuff due to the weather just the day before and now I had this to pay for. My car still ran just fine, so I went on my way to the foster parents home to pick up the girls. At least, this part of my day would go well. I picked up the girls, who were happy to see me and excited about moving home. I started to feel just a tad better, but I was still pretty mad trying to figure what God was trying to teach me after all this crap with my car had happened this week.

My slightly improved mood was crushed during the beginning of the car ride when the youngest decided to have a tantrum and wine and pretty much just be a 5yr old thereby triggering the other girls to yell at the youngest for making so much trouble. During our previous car rides to see their dad, these girls were awesome behavior wise and were funny and just good to be around, why of all days when they’re going home and after I’ve wrecked my car do they want to start acting out?! (poor me right?) So I’m at McDonald’s with them because I was real hungry and wanted some French fries. Well, I got everybody French fries, but the youngest wanted freakin’ ice cream. Seriously?! I said your options are French fries, that’s it. So she cried some more. They’re dad was making dinner and I didn’t want to spoil their appetite by getting them a whole meal.

At that point, I was done and ready for the day to be over. I was just planning on chalking it up as a loss, but then my mom calls. She finally received my letter from the Wayne Township Fire Dept. stating that I have passed my written exam and will proceed to the next portion of the hiring process, the structured oral interview. Now, its been my little secret until just recently that I was applying to be a firefighter. Mainly because I know how difficult it is to get hired and knew that it probably wouldn’t happen, so I expected to receive a letter that said thanks for taking the written test, but we will not need you blah blah blah. Hearing that I made it to the next stage was like a shot of adrenaline to my heart, I was hootin’ and hollarin’ in the car and the three girls, well actually the two that were crying got real excited for me and life seemed to be a little better. I still didn’t understand why all this car trouble happened that made me so mad had happened, but at least I’m still in the running to be a firefighter.

Well, we start again on the interstate towards the father’s home and the youngest is now pouting because I didn’t get her ice cream and now everybody, but her was enjoying their delish French fries. She finally decided she wanted her drink, but I told her she needs to apologize before we even consider giving her anything, so she sat quietly and tried to have a contest. Sure enough, ten minutes later she comes around with the most beautiful apology ever, “Excuse me Timosee (she’s got a little lisp, cutest thing ever), I’m really sorry.” I forgave her and thanked her for the apology and gave her the drink. My wall started to come down and I wasn’t so mad.

We continue driving and the youngest says to me from the back seat, “Look Timosee! Do you see the half Moon?” I say, “Yeah I do! Do you see the star below it?” She says,”Yesss, That’s my nana.”

Here we go I thought, this kid is tearing me apart now. She named a star after her grandma who had passed away. How absolutely beautiful and not only that she told me she had named a star after me that morning before school. “Ok, God, I’m awake I’m listening.” I thought. Thank God it was dark because I started having tears run down my face.

Finally we arrive at their father’s. He opens the door from his apartment up the stairs with a blow horn sounding and streamers. I knew today was his birthday, but he told me the party was going to be for them, his beautiful daughters because they were the perfect birthday gift. It was all I could do not to start sobbing uncontrollably in front of them when I saw the intense love shared after they reunited as a family. God is so good and he knew I was going to miss it. Thank you Lord for preparing my heart this week. Thank you for the ruined tires and the broken exhaust for the forty minutes of pushing my car through the snow with the Wilson boys and for my car wreck today. Thank you for waking me up to see, hear and feel Your love in the form of this family. I was not ready, not ready at all.

As I drove away, seeing that all things were taken care of and settled, I silently cried softly, but realized the flood gates were soon to open. It so wonderful to be so vulnerable to God on the drive home. God loves me this much too, He has the feast already prepared and He awaits at the door for my arrival, for when I come home. I love you God and I’m not very good at it., but I love coming home and I want to do it more often. Heal me, Lord, and have mercy. Amen.