Life's tough, but God is good.

I had a tough week this week. One of those weeks where you're not sure if anything good is really happening. Apparently there was a lot of good going on. Though I struggled and struggled to get through my days, my kids were opening up in new ways. They were bearing their hearts to one another and to me. God was using me even though I felt otherwise. I did end up feeling really good at the end of the week and want to share with you one story that really helped me more than I suspect I know.

Side Note: This is the condensed version of the story and I probably got most of the conversation wrong, but I wanted to give the impression or feeling of what went on. So add some dramatic pauses in there somewhere and some better writing to. Just use your imagination to flesh this story out a bit.

We'll call him Mike.

I called a group meeting recently because Mike had been caught making fun of some overweight people during a night out to the movies. In the group meeting I told Mike how frustrated it made me that he, someone who was in the hospital for five months because of the severity of his eating disorders, would do that to someone. Mike took a moment to think and flat out lied to me and the whole group. I don't even remember what he said specifically, but haflway through is monologue I said, "Mike, stop, do you want to try again?" Mike told me he did and took a minute to gather himself. He confessed about calling and laughing at the people he labeled as overweight, but he told me he didn't know why he did it. I put him on time out.

To jump ahead a little bit, Mike and I ended up on a work project retrenching some trails. For those who don't know, we have trenches on the sides of our trails to help maintain them by controlling the water flow on them. We fill the trenches with large rocks, so the process of retrenching involves taking the rocks out, running a maddock through the trench, raking the dirt out and then putting the rocks back in. That's not to tough of a work project, but for Mike, who's body was severly weakened by his anorexic and bulimic behaviors, it would be enough.

Mike didn't like to work hard...at all. So, I made sure to push him. His hands were smooth and soft from a life of comforts and luxury, probably more like a life of laziness and selfishness is a bit more accurate. As expected, he was are a little frustrated at his current position. This is how things went from there:
"Mike, you look frustrated."

"I am really frustrated, Mr. Barnes."

"Ok, what's got you worked up?"

"I'm mad at my situation and that I'm on time out."

"You know, I bet that's true, but I don't think you're being completely honest."

Here Mike started to act pretty frustrated, and when I say act I mean act like a thespian. Please add some of that filler into the story I was talking about earlier in the side note.

"I'm real mad, Mr. Barnes. I'm so made I'm at this school and I want to be back home."

I was almost convinced at this point. Mike is a sensitive guy and cries fairly easy. He can make you feel sorry for him just by his small little voice and small size in general. This is probably the scariest point of my job. Do I push him for more? Is there more? Perhaps its just another lie? Is he being genuine with me?........oh crap, ok God, you're in control now, take over.

I took a second to listen to myself and how I felt. My heart said to go on push him. I made my decision.

"Come on Mike! You can do better than that. You know that's not honest! What is honest with you?!"

Mike is looking bewildered.

In a fit of rage, Mike replies, "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!!!!"

Yes!!!!!! Whoohoo! I got him! He decided to make that leap with me. He's going to risk. He's going to give this relationship a chance! He's going to trust me! He wants to! Thank God!

Its really hard for not to just start smiling then because I know, for the most, part we've reached the climax and are beginning the decent of the emotional roller coaster that Mike just went on. I know he's starting to feel safe and that he can try things he decided are to hurtful and damaging. So I sequester my joy for the moment and get back into situation.

"Understand what, Mike?"

"You just wouldn't."

"Mike, I'm not interested in playing games right now."

This is the thespian part of Mike coming out. He was just being dramatic.

Mike starts getting a bit upset and starts working hard trying not to think about whatever it was that we uncovered in himself. For his safety and so we could have a conversation, I had Mike sit down beside me.

"What's got you all worked up, Mike?"

Through a deep sorrow and through anger that has been burning for the past ten years Mike tells me his story. His horrible story. Growing up, Mike's mom was a prostitute. She spent her nights working under an abusive pimp who took his liking to beating not only his mom, but Mike as well. At the age of five, Mike finds out the only reason he was born was because his mom was raped and that rape turned into a pregnancy. At age six, Mike was back and forth between his mom's and foster care. Soon after, his mom contracted HIV/AIDS and died. His foster family decided to take in Mike. Mike who was broken and abused, neglected and forgotten. Poor Mike.
Thank You God for Mike. God thank You so much for Mike. Thank you for allowing me, who is so unworthy of such a gift, to go where Mike has taken nobody in his life. Thank You for allowing me to see the one thing Mike has hidden from everybody, his brokenness.

After offering him some comfort and some reassurance that I was here to work with him and support him, to go with him in his loneliest hour to face those demons who have gripped so tightly to his small neglected heart, I told him of my expectations of him in the group and reminded him of the seriousness of his lying to the group. Afterwards, we stood and hugged.

"God, You bless this angel of yours. " I thought to myself.

As we walked back to the group I praised Mike for how great he did and how proud of him I was. I would have kept praising him, but he understood how I felt and that was the most important part. He was starting to trust. Wow!

"Mike, I feel so much better now."

"Me too, Mr. Barnes. I feel like fifty pounds has just been lifted off my shoulders."

I'm reminded of Archbishop Job telling me that you'll feel as though a burden has been lifted when you're doing God's Will. Amen, and thank you for those words, Vladika.

That is why I do my job. I was elated after that problem with Mike. I made contact, as we say at the Discovery School.